再来几则 Jack Handey

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.
交通灯从红转到青，又到黄，然后又回到红。我坐在车里思索人生。人生难道不是像一堆车在响喇叭，一群人在吼叫那样吗？有时候人生看起来就是那样。

（一堆车在响喇叭，一群人在吼叫--都是你阻碍交通搞出来的。）

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
我在脑海里想象得出一个没有战争没有仇恨的世界。我也想象得出我们攻打那个世界，因为他们绝对没料到。

（开头我以为你是爱和平的，殊不知你比一般人更爱侵略。）

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
我认为有人该真诚地告诉我：午餐是免费的。你让一个人手里拿着土豆沙拉往外急奔，假装他要呕吐了，这不是我心目中的待客之道。

（你小人之心，做了丑事，现在恼羞成怒啦。）

Instead of having 'answers' on a math test, they should just call them 'impressions', and if you got a different 'impression', so what, can't we all be brothers?
与其在数学考试里要“答案”，他们应该称那为“印象”，然后如果你有不同的“印象”，那又怎样，我们不能四海之内皆兄弟吗？

（好主意呀，老兄！）