What triggers you? I can be very impatient, which is not Stoic at all. I especially get triggered when I have to wait somewhere. Doesn’t matter whether it’s in traffic or the line at the supermarket. “C’mon, really? Can this line move any slower!?” Somehow, I have a talent for picking the line that moves the slowest. That shouldn’t be a big deal because waiting an extra minute isn’t the end of the world.
But if you’re impatient, it feels like the biggest issue in the world at that moment. Impatience makes us treat others poorly, and for some weird reason, we often behave the worst towards the people we care about the most. One thing that has helped me to become more patient is an idea I picked up from Epictetus.
He said: “Always conduct yourself as though you are at a formal dinner. If the dish has not reached you yet, don’t be impatient. Wait your turn. When it comes around to you, reach out and take a modest amount.”
I love this idea of imagining you’re at a formal dinner, especially with people you know. You might be hungry and in a hurry to eat, but if you’re surrounded by acquaintances, you’ll be on your best behavior. It’s a gentle and restrained way of interacting with others, but also with yourself.
That’s something we often forget. When we’re triggered, we don’t only lash out to others, we also treat ourselves badly. The key is to be more gentle in our inner conversations as well.
Epictetus believed we also should be gentle with our wealth. How does that work? Be modest, that’s all. If your wealth decreases, don’t try to chase it back. That’s one of the key strategies of living a peaceful life: Never chase anything too hard.
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