A few summers ago, when Bertie was still a human prince and lived in the palace, he was just a little bit bored because the only thing his father, the king, would talk about was his annual garden party. The theme that year was to be, “Sweet Smells,” and all the sweetest smelling people in the kingdom were to be invited. Most of them were girls, as it turned out. There were to be sweet smelling flowers with sweet smelling blossom, and the most fragrant honey, and different types of aromatic teas - and the gardeners were busy clearing all the green slime out of the pond and pouring perfume and aftershave into it to make it smell nicer. Colin the Carp wasn’t at all pleased, but Bertie didn’t know him then - and Tim the Tadpole wasn’t even born.
几年前的夏天，那时伯蒂还是个人类王子，住在王宫里。他觉得有点无聊，因为他的国王父亲成天念叨的，就只有一年一度的花园派对。那年派对的主题是“芬芳之味”，王国内所有身上香气最为宜人的人都将受到邀请。结果发现，受邀者大多是姑娘。派对上会有散发着甜香的花朵与绽放的花蕾，还有香气馥郁的蜂蜜，以及各种芳香四溢的茶——园丁们正忙着清理池塘里的绿藻，往里面倾倒香水和须后水，让池塘闻起来更宜人。鲤鱼科林对此可一点都不高兴，但那时伯蒂还不认识他，而蝌蚪蒂姆甚至还没出生呢。
In those days, Bertie had not yet to set eyes upon the lovely Princess Beatrice. She and her wicked stepmother still lived in a far away place called Wales. I think I told you about that once before.
在那些日子里，伯蒂还没见过可爱的比阿特丽斯公主。她和她邪恶的继母那时还住在一个遥远的地方，叫威尔士。我想我之前跟你们提过这事。
Well if truth be told, there was a bit of a stinky whiff wafting around the castle where Beatrice lived with her stepmother. It was suffering from blocked drains, you see, and that summer they were very blocked indeed.
说实话，在比阿特丽斯和她继母居住的城堡周围，弥漫着一股难闻的臭味。你们知道，城堡的下水道堵塞了，而那年夏天堵塞得尤其严重。
The newspapers reported that the lovely Princess Beatrice was going around with a clothes peg on her nose. At first, when Bertie’s father read about this, he almost laughed his head off.
报纸报道说，可爱的比阿特丽斯公主出门都得在鼻子上夹个晾衣夹。起初，伯蒂的父亲读到这则消息时，差点笑掉大牙。
"I was planning to invite the lovely Princess Beatrice to my garden party," he said, “but I don’t think I had better risk it, because she probably pongs to high heaven.”
“我本来还打算邀请这位可爱的比阿特丽斯公主来参加我的花园派对呢，” 他说，“但我觉得还是别冒险了，因为她身上估计臭气熏天。”
When the wicked queen heard about this insult, she was furious. "So that stupid old king thinks my daughter smells does he? Well before the summer’s out we’ll see who’s the biggest stinker of them all."
邪恶的王后听到这侮辱性的言论后，怒不可遏。“那个愚蠢的老国王居然觉得我女儿有臭味，是吧？哼，夏天结束前，咱们走着瞧，看看谁才是最臭的那个。”
So the wicked queen commanded all the top scientists, wizards, and druids in Wales to concoct the stinkiest, foulest, most pungent pong ever created, and then, to load the pong into a rocket. When this was done, she gave a note to her ambassador to deliver to Bertie’s father.
于是，邪恶的王后命令威尔士所有顶尖的科学家、巫师和德鲁伊调配出有史以来最臭、最刺鼻、最难闻的气味，然后把这股臭气装进一枚火箭里。一切准备就绪后，她写了张便条，让大使交给伯蒂的父亲。
It read: "Invite or stink!"
便条上写着：“要么邀请，要么闻臭！”
When he received this note, Bertie’s farther flew into a frightful rage: He stood up from his throne and railed at the ambassador, “Kindly inform that malign, maledictive, malodorous, queen of yours that we don’t give into blackmail here, or even to 'stink mail.' She and her smelly daughter aren’t invited to my party, so there!"
收到这张纸条后，伯蒂的父亲暴跳如雷。他从王座上站起身，对着大使怒喝道：“麻烦你转告你们那位恶毒、邪恶、臭气熏天的王后，我们这儿不吃勒索这套，就算是‘臭信威胁’也没用。她和她那浑身臭味的女儿别想受邀参加我的派对，就这样！”
But at night he couldn’t sleep for worrying about the stink bomb landing on his summer garden party, and all his fragrant guests being covered in foul-smelling sewage, or whatever the wicked queen meant to drop on them.
但到了晚上，他忧心臭弹会落在夏日花园派对上，把他那些满身芬芳的宾客们淋得浑身都是恶臭的污水，又或是那邪恶王后打算用来袭击他们的任何东西，因此辗转难眠。
That’s why Prince Bertie, who was hanging around the palace looking just a bit bored, was summoned. The king sent him to Wales on a top secret mission to 'Stop the Stink.' Bertie had to choose a disguise, and he decided upon a travelling jester.
正因如此，在王宫里闲逛、略显无聊的伯蒂王子被召见了。国王派他前往威尔士执行一项绝密任务——“阻止恶臭”。伯蒂得选个伪装身份，他决定扮成一名四处游历的小丑。
Bertie arrived at the wicked queen’s castle, and presented himself as an entertainer, who wandered the highways and byways on his skateboard, telling funny stories and performing clever tricks.
伯蒂来到邪恶王后的城堡，自称是一名艺人，踩着滑板穿梭于大街小巷，会讲有趣的故事，还能表演精妙的戏法。
That evening after dinner, he was invited before the royal family. Bertie did a little dance and shook his floppy hat with a bell on the end. Then he made a bow, and waited for a ripple of warm, welcoming applause. The king yawned. Bertie saw this, and his mind went blank - even more so than usual - and he couldn’t remember a single joke, even though he was usually brimming with them.
当晚晚宴过后，他被带到王室成员面前。伯蒂跳了一小段舞，晃动着他那顶末梢带铃铛的松软帽子。接着他鞠了一躬，等待着热烈友好的掌声响起。国王打了个哈欠。伯蒂看到这一幕，脑子瞬间一片空白—— 比平时还要空白 —— 他一个笑话都想不起来了，尽管平时他总是满肚子笑话。
After about half a minute’s silence, the wicked queen said, “He’s useless. Dump him in the dungeon.”
沉默了大概半分钟后，邪恶王后说道：“他没用。把他扔到地牢去。”
"But… but…” protested Bertie, "I’m just having a bad day. Usually I’m the funniest jester alive." But the guards were already sweeping him towards the door.
“可是…… 可是……” 伯蒂抗议道，“我今天状态不好而已。平常我可是世上最有趣的小丑。” 但卫兵们已经架着他往门口走去。
“Hey, have you heard this one?” Called out Bertie. “What sort of dog doesn’t smell? One without a nose. Ha Ha! Can you say Iced Ink very fast several time over?"
“嘿，你们听过这个笑话吗？” 伯蒂大声说道，“什么样的狗没有气味？没有鼻子的狗。哈哈！你们能快速连着说几遍‘冰墨水’吗？”
The lovely Princess Beatrice said, “Oh please don’t take him away. He’s rather sweet, even if his jokes aren’t really that funny.”
可爱的比阿特丽斯公主说：“哦，求你们别把他带走。他人挺可爱的，即便他的笑话确实不怎么好笑。”
Meanwhile, the king was muttering to himself, “Iced ink Iced ink, I stink.”
与此同时，国王在自言自语地嘟囔：“冰墨水，冰墨水，我好臭。”
“Ha ha ha, You said you stink!” Called back Bertie.
“哈哈哈，你说你好臭！” 伯蒂回应道。
“Take him away,” said the queen in a very bored voice. “I believe cell number five is free. The last unfunny idiot who was in that one departed yesterday... May his soul rest in peace. Ha!”
“把他带走，” 王后厌烦地说道，“我记得五号牢房空着。上一个关在那儿的无趣蠢货昨天刚走…… 愿他的灵魂安息。哈！”
The guards took Bertie to the prison in the cellars of the castle, opened up a hatch in the floor, and pushed him in. Down down down, he fell. “Oh no, this place is very dark and there’s a funny smell. I wonder how far I’m going to fall?” Thought Bertie - and then Boing! He landed on an old bed, and the legs immediately collapsed. But at least he wasn’t too hurt.
卫兵们把伯蒂带到城堡地下室的牢房，打开地板上的活板门，把他推了下去。他一路往下掉。“哦不，这地方好黑，还有股怪味。不知道我要掉到多深的地方？” 伯蒂想着 —— 然后 “砰” 的一声！他落在一张旧床上，床腿立刻就塌了。但至少他伤得不重。
All he could see was a little shaft of moonlight from a window near the top of the cell. Around midnight, a guard opened the hatch and called out, “dinner.” He dropped down a cold, half eaten burger and a carton of orange drink. “Enjoy your Big Value Meal Deal,” called out the guard. “Sorry I ate half your burger and all of your apple pie.”
他只能看到牢房顶部附近的窗户透进来一缕月光。午夜时分，一个卫兵打开活板门喊道：“开饭了。” 他扔下一个吃了一半的冷汉堡和一盒橙汁。“享用你的超值套餐吧，” 卫兵喊道，“不好意思，我吃了一半你的汉堡，还有你的苹果派全吃光了。”
“Oh dear,” said Bertie. "I should have told them the joke about the man who went to the doctor and said he felt like a parrot… That one always makes everybody laugh. Now I’m going stay in this dungeon until I rot and die. Oh I wish I had never become a secret agent. It’s not nearly as much fun as it sounds."
“哦，天哪，” 伯蒂说，“我真该给他们讲那个男人去看医生，说自己觉得像只鹦鹉的笑话…… 那个笑话总能逗得大家哈哈大笑。现在我却要在这地牢里慢慢腐烂死去了。唉，真希望我从没当过特工。这可远没有听起来那么有趣。”
Towards morning, when it was just getting light again outside, he felt something tickling his nose.
临近清晨，外面天刚蒙蒙亮的时候，他感觉有什么东西在挠他的鼻子。
“Is that a mouse?” He thought, and then he heard a sweet little voice whispering, “Jester, oh Jester, Please wake up.”
“是只老鼠吗？” 他想着，接着便听到一个温柔的小声音在低语：“小丑，哦，小丑，请醒醒。”
“A mouse that talks?” Thought Bertie. But then he realised that the voice was coming from up above. He rubbed his eyes, and saw that it wasn’t a mouse that was tickling his nose, but a silk rope dangling from the hatch door.
“一只能说话的老鼠？” 伯蒂暗自思忖。但随后他意识到声音是从上方传来的。他揉了揉眼睛，发现挠他鼻子的不是老鼠，而是从活板门垂下来的一根丝绳。
“Quick. Climb up,” whispered the voice, which he now recognised as belonging to the lovely Princess Beatrice. Quick as he could, Bertie shinned up the silk rope and out through the hatch. Beatrice quickly untied the other end at the window bars, and they ran out before the guard came back from the changing room.
“快，爬上来。” 那声音低声说道，他现在听出来了，这是可爱的比阿特丽斯公主的声音。伯蒂以最快的速度顺着丝绳往上爬，从活板门钻了出去。比阿特丽斯迅速解开系在窗栏上的另一端绳子，在卫兵从更衣室回来之前，他们跑了出去。
Beatrice led Bertie out of the castle and onto the dewy grass of the king’s daffodil garden.
比阿特丽斯带着伯蒂出了城堡，来到国王那满是露水的水仙花园草地上。
Bertie looked gratefully at the lovely Princess Beatrice and said, “Now I know that the you are the bravest and cleverest princess in the entire world, as well as the loveliest.”
伯蒂感激地看着可爱的比阿特丽斯公主，说道：“现在我知道了，你不仅是世上最可爱的公主，还是最勇敢、最聪明的。”
“Well don’t tell anyone or I’ll be in super big trouble,” said Beatrice. Bertie promised not to tell a soul. She led him down the path to a secret gate in the wall, but as Bertie was about to go through it, he remembered that he had come to Wales on a mission. He wondered if he could let Beatrice into his secret.
“嗯，别告诉任何人，不然我就有大麻烦了。” 比阿特丽斯说。伯蒂保证不会告诉任何人。她带着他沿着小路走到墙上的一扇秘密门边，但就在伯蒂要穿过门的时候，他想起自己来威尔士是有任务在身的。他寻思着要不要把秘密告诉比阿特丽斯。
She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and said, “Now jester, you’d better be off before we both get caught.”
她在他脸颊上飞快地亲了一下，说道：“好了，小丑，你最好在咱俩都被抓住前赶紧走。”
“I don’t mean to shock you,” said Bertie, “but I’m not a jester - not really.”
“我不想吓着你，” 伯蒂说，“但我其实…… 并不是个小丑。”
“Really? I’d never have guessed,” said Beatrice sarcastically. “Your jokes were so side-splittingly hilarious.”
“真的吗？我可真没看出来，” 比阿特丽斯挖苦道，“你的笑话简直太逗了，能把人笑岔气。”
Bertie was about to tell her the truth - that in fact he was a secret agent, and that he had come to stop her wicked stepmother firing a rocket full of foul-smelling sewage onto his father’s summer garden party. But at that moment they heard a terrible voice screech out, “There they are! Seize them!” And they were surrounded by snarling dogs. The wicked queen, still in her dressing gown, said, “Well well well, Romeo and Juliet.”
伯蒂正要告诉她真相—— 其实他是一名特工，来这儿是为了阻止她邪恶的继母，向他父亲的夏日花园派对发射装满恶臭污水的火箭。但就在这时，他们听到一个可怕的声音尖叫道：“他们在那儿！抓住他们！” 紧接着，一群狂吠的狗将他们团团围住。邪恶的王后还穿着睡袍，说道：“哟哟哟，罗密欧与朱丽叶啊。”
She ordered her guards to grab hold of both Princess Beatrice and Prince Bertie.
她命令卫兵抓住比阿特丽斯公主和伯蒂王子。
“Oh no!” Thought Bertie. “I’ll never get away now.”
“哦，不！” 伯蒂心想，“我现在肯定逃不掉了。”
Two whole days went past. Bertie sat in darkness at the bottom of the dungeon. He knew that it was the date of his father’s garden party, that he had failed miserably in his mission, that all the sweetest smelling people in his home kingdom would be covered in foul smelling sewage, and that he would finish his days, forgotten by all (even the lovely Beatrice), in that terrible dark prison cell. He felt, well, quite a bit down about that.
整整两天过去了。伯蒂坐在地牢底部的黑暗中。他知道今天就是父亲花园派对的日子，自己的任务彻底失败了，他家乡王国里所有身上香气最为宜人的人，都会被恶臭的污水淋个透，而他自己将在这可怕的黑暗牢房里度过余生，被所有人遗忘（甚至包括可爱的比阿特丽斯）。想到这些，他心情糟糕透顶。
But when the time came, the wicked queen could not resist sending for Bertie so that he could witness her rocket take off on its way to deliver its terrible stink to its target. The soldiers led Bertie into the garden. His wrists were handcuffed behind his back. Every exit was guarded.
但到了发射的时候，邪恶的王后忍不住让人把伯蒂带来，好让他亲眼目睹火箭升空，带着那可怕的恶臭飞向目标。士兵们押着伯蒂来到花园。他的双手被反铐在背后。每个出口都有卫兵把守。
The rocket stood on the launch pad along side the tallest tower of the castle, ready for lift off. The lovely Beatrice was sitting next to the king, on a golden throne that had been set up in the orchard. She was stroking her pet bunny rabbit and sobbing into her handkerchief. The king was reading the gardening column in his newspaper. The wicked queen was wearing a yellow safety helmet and standing on top of a temporary platform. The guards brought the prisoner up to stand beside her.
火箭矗立在城堡最高塔楼旁的发射台上，蓄势待发。可爱的比阿特丽斯坐在国王身旁，国王的金色王座就安置在果园里。她轻抚着自己的宠物小兔子，正拿手帕抹眼泪。国王则在看报纸上的园艺专栏。邪恶的王后戴着一顶黄色安全帽，站在一个临时搭建的平台上。卫兵把囚犯带上来，让他站在王后旁边。
“My dear jester, or should I call you Prince Bertie?” Snarled the Queen. “How lovely to see you. I thought you might like to laugh along with me at this little joke I’m about to play on your father.”
“我亲爱的小丑，或者我该称呼你为伯蒂王子？” 王后冷笑道，“见到你可真高兴。我觉得你可能想跟我一起乐一乐，看看我即将给你父亲开的这个小玩笑。”
“Ha Ha,” said Bertie - but he didn’t mean it. At the same time he was wriggling with his hands behind his back to see if he could slip out of the handcuffs.
“哈哈，” 伯蒂干笑两声，但并非真心。与此同时，他在背后扭动双手，想看看能不能挣脱手铐。
Soon after the queen began to count down backwards. “10, 9, 8...” Her terrible voice echoed around the walls of the castle. Even the king looked up from his newspaper. Bertie kept on wriggling his hands. He hadn’t eaten for two whole days, and he felt like he was all skin and bones. Surely he was thin enough to escape?
王后很快开始倒数：“10，9，8……” 她那刺耳的声音在城堡的墙壁间回荡。就连国王也从报纸上抬起了头。伯蒂继续扭动着双手。他已经整整两天没吃东西了，感觉自己瘦得皮包骨头。他肯定瘦到能挣脱手铐了吧？
“7, 6, 5, 4… ” Bertie’s eye was on a red button on the queen’s control Panel. It said, “Abort.” If only he could press that button at the right moment, the rocket would stop its mission.
“7，6，5，4……” 伯蒂盯着王后控制面板上的一个红色按钮，上面写着 “中止”。要是他能在恰当的时候按下那个按钮，火箭就能停止发射任务。
“3, 2, 1... Blast off!” Screeched the queen.
“3，2，1…… 发射！” 王后尖叫道。
Slowly the rocket started to rise from the launch pad, pushed upwards by a great ball of flames. Everyone in the palace applauded, except for Bertie, whose hands were cuffed, and Beatrice, who was still stroking her bunny rabbit. The queen started to shout, "Stink! Stink! Stink!" Then all the people joined in shouting, "Stink! Stink! Stink!" And Bertie kept on wriggling his hands.
火箭在巨大的火球推动下，缓缓从发射台升起。王宫里的所有人都鼓起掌来，只有双手被铐着的伯蒂和仍在轻抚兔子的比阿特丽斯没有鼓掌。王后开始大喊：“发臭！发臭！发臭！” 接着所有人都跟着喊：“发臭！发臭！发臭！” 伯蒂则继续扭动着双手。
Everyone’s eyes, including those of the queen and all the guards were glued to the sight of the rocket hovering just above the castle, before setting on its way to deliver its terrible smells to Bertie’s kingdom. Suddenly Bertie felt his hand slip out of the cuff. His now free hand shot out and hit the red “Abort” button. It started to flash and beep and the queen shrieked, “Who did that?” She manically pressed the button marked “Start” but it was too late. The rocket stopped in mid air and came crashing down onto the roof of the castle, from where it rolled into the garden below, landing right the middle of the king’s prize daffodils. There was an almighty explosion and the air was filled with sewage flying in all directions. Everyone was covered in it. Bertie started to run. The guards were far too busy holding their noses and saying, “Poo, what a pong!” To notice him jumping into the king’s Rolls Royce and speeding off down the drive.
所有人的目光，包括王后和所有卫兵的，都紧盯着火箭。它在城堡上方盘旋片刻后，就要朝着伯蒂的王国飞去，将那可怕的恶臭带去。突然，伯蒂感觉手从手铐中滑脱了。他那重获自由的手猛地伸出去，按下了红色的“中止” 按钮。按钮开始闪烁并发出哔哔声，王后尖叫道：“谁干的？” 她疯狂地按下标有 “启动” 的按钮，但为时已晚。火箭在半空中停住，接着坠落在城堡的屋顶上，又从屋顶滚落到下面的花园里，正好落在国王心爱的水仙花丛中央。伴随着一声巨响，空气中满是四处飞溅的污水。所有人都被溅得满身都是。伯蒂开始狂奔。卫兵们忙着捂住鼻子，叫嚷着：“呸，好臭啊！” 根本没注意到他跳进国王的劳斯莱斯，沿着车道疾驰而去。
Bertie drove and drove, taking a secret road through the mountains, until he reached home. He was just in time for last part of his father’s garden party, which had been a sweet-smelling success, untroubled by stink bombs. As he walked through the crowds the guests held their noses.
伯蒂一路驾车，沿着一条山间的秘密道路行驶，直到回到家。他刚好赶上父亲花园派对的尾声，这场派对弥漫着芬芳，十分成功，没有受到臭弹的干扰。当他穿过人群时，宾客们纷纷捂住了鼻子。
“Is that Prince Bertie?” They whispered to one another. “He doesn’t half pong.”
“那是伯蒂王子吗？” 他们彼此低声问道，“他可真是臭气熏天。”
“Bertie,” shouted his father when he smelled him. “Go and take a bath, immediately.”
“伯蒂，” 他父亲闻到他身上的味道后大喊道，“马上给我去洗个澡。”
“But, but, I saved you from the stink bomb,” said Bertie.
“可是，可是，我把您从臭弹危机中救了出来啊。” 伯蒂说。
“Right this minute,” shouted his father. So Agent Bertie had no choice but to go and take a bath. “The problem with being a secret agent,” he thought, as he soaked among the soap bubbles, “Is that your mission is so secret that nobody knows how jolly brave you were.”
“就现在。” 他父亲吼道。所以特工伯蒂别无选择，只能去洗澡。“当特工的问题就在于，” 他泡在肥皂泡里想着，“你的任务太机密了，没人知道你有多英勇。”
But the lovely Princess Beatrice knew how brave he was - and although she and her bunny rabbit were covered in bad smelling stuff, she didn’t mind that much, because at last she had met a prince who had got the better of her wicked stepmother.
但可爱的比阿特丽斯公主知道他有多勇敢—— 尽管她和她的小兔子浑身都沾满了恶臭的东西，可她并不太在意，因为她终于遇到了一位战胜她邪恶继母的王子。
And that’s the story of Agent Bertie.
这就是特工伯蒂的故事。
网友评论