Writing Day 9 20190329 gu_writing

全文翻译4：消费社会+ 观点类题目报告类题目写作要点

题目：It is argued that we are living in a throw-away society:people throw away what they use in daily life,instead of recycling or reusing them.Why has this happened and how to address this issue?

自学步骤一：阅读题目后，写出三个观点：

原因：

1.财富增多，可支配财富增多

2.生活节奏快，人们偏向选择一次性的，却没有保护环境意识。

解决方案：

1.提高人们的环境保护意识。

2.政府颁布一些法律，抑制人们过分使用消费品。

自学步骤二：翻译句子：先想词伙，在想句型，然后写句子。

自学步骤三：检查自己的翻译：先看正确的句子的词伙和句子结构，然后看错误的句子，看是否能够发现问题。

介绍段：

句子作用	中文	我写的	答案句	错误纠正	错误类型
背景句，改写题目	1.人们现在喜欢用东西只用一次，而不是使用很长的时间。	Nowadays people tend to use new goods just once,rather than a long tiem.	People are likely to use products only once instead of keeping these items for a long time.	be likely to ,products,instead of ,items,a long time.	单词升级，语法准确，词伙搭配
阐述立场或者说明文章讨论内容	2.了解这个问题为什么发生和如何解决这个问题是重要的。	Understand why this issue has happend and how to deal with it is more than important.	It is important to understand why this throw-away culture has developed and how to reverse this trend.	中式英语：用it 形式主语：It is adj to do sth,throw-away culture,reverse this trend.	词伙搭配，形式主句

主题部分第一段：

句子作用	中文	我写的	答案句	错误纠正	错误类型
中心句(经济发展)	3.人们现在的收入不断增加，因此他们可以购买大量的产品。	Now personal income is rising,so people can buy a majority of products.	People have increased wealth significantly and can afford many products.	have increased wealth,significantly,	词伙搭配
解释	4.技术的革新和产品的批量生产降低了成本，也提高了人们的生产力。	Technology reform and a vast of produce of products have decreased the cost and increased the productivity.	Technological innovations and mass production have reduced the cost of production and improved the productivity of the workforce.	Technological inovations,mass production,the cost of production,the productivity of the workforce.	词伙借词搭配
举例	5.一些电子产品，如手机和电脑，现在很低的价格就可以买到，所以当一些产品坏了的时候，人们很少去修理它们。	Some electrical products,such as cell phones and computers,it is very cheap to buy one.It is why some people sedom repair them when they are not working.	Some electronic products such as mobile phones and computers are now sold at low prices,and this is why few people would fix broken items.	electronic products,mobile phones,would fix broken items.	词伙搭配，语态
扩展	6.特别是年轻人，他们喜欢购买带有新功能的最新手机，同时扔掉旧的。	Especially the young generation,they are likely to purchase the last version phone with new function,as the same time throwing old one.	Young people in particular,prefer to purchase the latest mobile phones with up-to-date features and throw old ones away.	the lastest ,最新的，up-to-date features,最新功能。throw sth away.prefer to,Especially 一般不在句首。	词伙搭配

主题部分第二段：

句子作用	中文	我的	答案	改正	错误类型
附加观点（社会文化）中心句	7.人们缺乏环境意识也是另外一个原因。	People don't have the aware of protecing environment is another reason.	Another reason is that people lack environmental awareness.	lack,environmental awareness.	词伙
解释	8.很多人没有意思到他们的消费习惯会导致能源消耗。	Many people don't aware of that their comsumer behavior can lead to resource's decreasing.	People have not yet realised that their ways of life will lead to energy consumption and cause waste as well as pollution.	consuming behavior,customer behavior,energy consumption,have not yet realised	词伙,语法
举例	9.他们不知道家用电器最终会成为垃圾，而这些电器是很难分类的，对环境的影响非常大。	They don't know that home products finally would become rubbish,and it is difficult to classy them,then cuase an adverse effect on evironment.	They do not know that household appliances can end up in landfill and these non-biodegradable products can have a desctructive effect on the environment.	不可缩写，classify,home products 国产国内产品家居用品 ,household appliances,landfill,non-biodegradable products ,a destructive effect on,appliance,可数，damage 是不可数。then 是副词，不是连词。	词伙
扩展结果	10，他们不知道回收利用很多产品可以让我们得生活方式更加环保。	They do not konw that it more environmental friendly to live a life by making <u>recycle</u> use of mass products.	They are not aware that recycling can make their lifesyles more sustainable.	environmentally friendly,环境友好的，recycled,adj,回收利用的，more sustainable.	词伙，语境。

主体部分第三段（折中段）：

句子作用	中文	我的	答案	改正	错误类型
中心句	11，因为产品的过度消费很普遍，采取一些措施去减少污染是很重要的。	Because excessive products consumption,it is extremely important to take some measures to reduce pollution.	As the overconsumption of consumer goods is pervasive,it is important to take some measures to mitigate this problem.	overconsumption of consumer goods,mitigate this problem.	语法，时态，词伙
观点1	12.我们需要提高人们的环保意识，因为这会改变人们使用和处理产品的方式。	We need to arouse peolep's awareness of an environmentally friendly,because it can change the use and dealing products' way of people.	Raising environmental awareness is important,because this can change the ways people use and dispose of different products.	中式英文，the way people use and dispose of different products,	词伙，语法
解释	13，环保团体应该传播关于如何回收利用一次性物品以及家电品的知识。	An environmentally friendly union should to disseminate the knowledge of how to make use of disponsed goods and household products.	Environmental groups can disseminate the knowledge of how to recycle disposable goods and household appliances.	enviromental groups,disseminate,disposable goods,household appliances,	词伙，单复数
观点2	14.政府也可以颁布一些法律，去抑制人们过分使用消费品。	The government can publish some legals to control people's consumption.	Governments can also enforce some laws to deter consumers from throwing away goods.	laws and regulations,enforce some laws,deter consumers from throwing away goods.	词伙
举例	15：例如，政府可以对一些一次性产品，如塑料袋收税，那么就会鼓励人们使用环保的购物袋。	For example,governments can level some disposable products,such as plastic bags.That will encourage people to use enviornmentally fiendly bags.	For example,the tax penalty can be imposed on some disposable products,including plastic bags,thereby encouraging peopel to use eco-friendly shopping bags.	the tax penalty,can be imposed on,被加在，eco-friendly,	被动句使用

结论段：

句子作用	中文	我的	答案	改正	错误类型
总结观点（原因）	16.人们对消费的态度和可支配收入的增多是过度消费的主要原因。	People's attitudes toward consumption and personal wealth's increase are the main reasons of overconsumption.	People's attitudes toward consumption and the increase in disposable income are main reasons behind excessive consumption of disposable items.	the increase in disposable income，可支配收入的增加。	词伙，词汇
总结观点（措施）	17.要成功解决这个问题，首要的事情是提高人们对环境保护的意识，这样才会引起他们生活方式的改变。	In order to address the problem successively,at first,rising people's awareness of protecting environment.In that way ,it can change their 's lifestyle.	To address this problem successfully,the top priority is to raise people's awareness of enviromental protection,which can lead a change to their lifstyles.	their lifestyles,enviromental protection.raise ,successfully,the top priority it to	词伙

自学步骤四：整体学习和检查范文，看看是否符合TELCCS原则。

Task-oriented：每句话要注意扣题，尽量出现 题目的关键词。

Extension：句子要懂得扩展，在简单的想法上增加信息，使句子变得丰富。

Linking devices：句子链接要精密，连接方法灵活有变化，前后句子要保持很好的逻辑。

Consistency ：每个句子要和中心句保持一致，和前面一句话论述保持逻辑一致。

Collocations：用词要尽量使用词伙，尊重单词的搭配习惯。

Syntax：句子结构要准确，变化要合理恰当。

​ People are likely to use products only once instead of keeping these items for a long time.It is important to understand why this throw-away culture has developed and how reverse this trend.

​ People have increased wealth significantly and can afford many products.

中心句说的是财富积累，但是后面说的是商品价格下降。

Technological innovations and mass production have reduced the cost of production and improved the productivity of the workforce.Some eletronic products such as mobile phones and computers are now sold at low prices,and this is why few people would fix broken items.Young people in particular,prefer to purchase the latest mobile phones with up-to-date features and throw old ones away.

出现跳跃，应该先说买东西。

​ Another reason is that people lack environmental awareness.People have not yet realised that thier ways of life lead to energy consumption and cause waste as well as pollution.They do not know that household appliances and end up in landfill sites and these non-biodegradable products can have a destructive effect on the environment.They are not aware the recycling can make their lifestyles more sustainable.

​ 还用they ... are 和前面的句子有点重复

​ As the overconsumption of consumer goods is pervasive, it is important to take some measures to mitigate this problem.Raising environmental awareness is important,because this can change the ways people use and dispose of different products.

​ 二次用important,重复，影响LR得分。

Environmental groups can disseminate the knowledge of how to recycle disposable goods and household appliances.

这句话和上面一句话有点重复，内容大致类似，可以去掉，否则，影响CC的成绩。

Governmental groups can also enforce some laws to deter consumers from throwing away goods.For example,the tax penalty can be imposed on some disposable products,including plastic bags,thereby encouraging people to use eco-friendly shopping bags.

这里不明确是和disposable products 还是和 plastic bags 对称。

​ People’s attitude toward consumption and the increase in disposable income are main reasons behind excessive consumption of disponsable items.To address this problem successfully,the top priority is to raise people's awareness of enviromental protection,which can lead to a change to their lifestyles.

​ 这里缺一个连词？？

​ 主体段落说的是价格低，这里说收入，不一致，影响 CC 的分数。

​ disponsable items 是一次性产品的意思，不能够指代主题说明的部分。

​ 这个句子前面的to do 表目的，这里定于从句 which lead to 表示结果，读取来很不舒服，影响 GRA 的分数。

学习关键点：

​ 报告类题目：

​ 注意一：主体部分可以分二-三段写

​ 注意二：报告类文章的解决方法一般都是对应问题的原因，如果不对应，也可以接受。

​ 注意三：报告类文章的开头和主体段一般不要出现 some people think /argue that 这样的字眼。

提升的范文：

下划线和原文有差异地方，黑体是词伙：

​ People are likely to use products only once instead of keeping these itmes for a long time.It is important to understand why this throw-away culture has developed and how to reverse this trend.

​ <u>Consumers today do not keeep many goods for a long period of time because these products are not as expensive as before</u>.Techonological innovations and mass production have reduced the cost of production and improved the productivity of the workforce.Some electronic products such as mobile phones and computers are now sold at low prices,and this is way many people <u>would purchase the newest products,instead of fixing broken ones</u>.Young people in particular,prefer to purchase the latest mobile phones with up-to-date features and throw old ones away.

​ Another reason is that people lack environmental awareness.People have not yet realised that their ways of life will lead to energy consumption and cause waste as well as pollution.They do not know that household appliances can end up in landfill sites and these non-biogradable products can have a destructive effect on the environment.<u>If they are aware that</u> recycling can make their lifestyles more sustainable,<u>they will possibly try to reuse products</u>.

​ As the overconsumption of consumer goods is pervasive,it is important to take some measures to mitigate this problem.<u>The first one is to raise environmental awareness,educating people to change the ways they</u> use and dispose of different products.Governments can also enforce some laws to deter consumers form throwing away goods.For example,the tax penalty can imposed on the use of some disposable products,inculding plastic bags,thereby encouraging people to use eco-friendly <u>alternatives</u>.

​ <u>To summarise</u>,<u>people's changing</u> attitude toward consumption and price cuts are main reasons behind excessive consumption of <u>consumer goods</u>.To address this problem successfully,the top priority is to raise people's awareness of environmental protection <u>and motivate them to change their lifestyles.</u>