靈性家排手記五 - Before & After

索菲曾經說，有很多人告訴她”海靈格之前，海靈格之後”, 當時我存疑。

Sophie once said, many people told her “Before Hellinger, and after Hellinger.” I was doubtful.

體驗海靈格1年以後, 我想記錄我自己身上發生的改變。

One year after experiencing Hellinger, I’d like to record the changes I’ve noticed on myself.

海靈格之前, 我對我的公婆百般挑剔, 我覺得我的丈夫應該可以有更高的成就, 是他們的種種錯誤讓他到現在為止只不過是個小醫生; 海靈格之後我感激我的公婆, 是他們在當時困難的環境和種種限制下, 把他撫養長大, 幫助他完成良好的教育, 沒有他們, 我丈夫什麼也不是。

Before Hellinger, I was critical of my parents in law. I thought my husband should be more accomplished. Because of all the mistakes they have made, he’s only a little doctor. After Hellinger, I appreciate my parents in law. They are the ones who raised him under the difficult circumstance and all of the limitations at that time. They helped him to get good education. My husband would be nothing without them.

海靈格之前, 我不知道怎麼稱呼我的公婆, 總之我絕對叫不出口爸爸媽媽; 海靈格之後我可以自然地稱我婆婆為媽媽。

Before Hellinger, I didn’t know how to address my parents in law. I couldn’t call them mom and dad in any case. After Hellinger, I can call my mother in law mama with ease.

海靈格之前我對人提防, 因為我很害怕受傷; 海靈格之後我喜歡和人聊天, 見到誰都覺得開心。這是我媽媽的天賦, 現在我開始繼承這項天賦。

Before Hellinger I was on guard with people because I was afraid of getting hurt. After Hellinger, I like talking to people and I feel happy to see people. This is my mom’s talent, and now I inherit this talent.

海靈格之前我繃著臉, 常常不知道自己咬緊牙關，直到牙齒對冷熱敏感，牙醫告訴我琺瑯質磨損嚴重; 海靈格之後我臉上自然可以有笑容，臉部肌肉放鬆。

Before Hellinger, my face was tense. I often clenched my jaws without knowing, until my teeth were sensitive to hot and cold, and the dentist told me that the enamel was grind down. After Hellinger I smile naturally and my facial muscles are relaxed.

海靈格之前我視別人為競爭對手; 海靈格之後我覺得想交朋友, 而且發現別人願意和我做朋友。

Before Hellinger I saw people as competitions. After Hellinger I feel like making friends, and surprisingly find people willing to be my friends

海靈格之前我覺得別人對我好的是有目的, 有交換性質的; 海靈格之後我看到這就是我自己的功利性, 這就是我之前對待別人的方式。

Before Hellinger, I saw people nice to me as having a purpose and they want something in exchange. After Hellinger, I saw this was how I treated others. This was my own utilitarianism.

海靈格之前我不停在腦子裡計算得失, 就算只是幾塊錢; 海靈格之後我察覺我又在這麼做了。

Before Hellinger, I kept calculating in my head, even if it’s only a few dollars. After Hellinger, I am aware when I am doing it again.

海靈格之前我專注在負面的事情上, 對小事忿忿不平, 念念不忘; 海靈格之後我發現我有多麼幸運, 每天都有好事發生, 像是有餡餅從天上掉下來!

Before Hellinger, I focused on the negativities. I was really bothered by small things and had a hard time letting them go. After Hellinger, I realize how lucky I am. There’s something wonderful happening to me everyday, like pies falling off the sky!

海靈格之前我的人生大部分是在索取, 我覺得我得到的還不夠多, 別人都應該也可以再多給一點; 海靈格之後我開始問我能提供什麼，我能給什麼。

Before Hellinger, my life was mostly taking from others. I thought I wasn’t getting enough, and they should and could give more. After Hellinger, I start asking what can I offer, and what can I give.

海靈格之前我害怕被看見, 因為我不夠完美; 海靈格之後那個愛現愛笑想要被看見的小女孩回來了。

Before Hellinger I was afraid to be seen, for I was not perfect enough. After Hellinger, the showy little girl who loves to laugh and wants to be seen is back.

海靈格之前我書是讀了一些, 但是只進不出, 啥也寫不出來; 海靈格之後，到目前為止我寫了五篇, 還有人給我打賞!

Before Hellinger I read a lot, but only in, nothing out; I couldn’t write anything. After Hellinger, I’ve written 5 articles so far, and people gave me tips for them!

海靈格之前世界很小, 你看了我的文章, 就沒空去看別人的; 你給我打賞，別人就賺不到你的錢; 海靈格之後世界很大，你看了我的, 也可以去看別人的; 世界很大, 每個人都能賺到錢。

Before Hellinger the world is small. You read my article, then you run out of time to read others. You give me rewards, then others wouldn’t earn your money. After Hellinger, the world is big. You can read my article, and read others. The world is big, and everyone can make money.

海靈格之前我不會寫這樣一篇東西出來, 因為承認自己的缺陷太可怕, 太危險, 太自曝其短; 海靈格之後我接受我的不完美。如果你接受我的不完美, 我們可以做朋友; 如果你不接受, 我祝福你有一天能接受自己的不完美。

Before Hellinger, I wouldn’t have written something like this. It was too scary, too dangerous, and too exposed to admit to my shortcomings. After Hellinger, I accept my imperfection. We can be friends if you accept that I am not perfect. If you don’t, I wish one day you can accept your own flaws.