女儿婚宴上的祝酒辞

女儿婚宴上的祝酒辞

哈佛教授俱乐部  2017年6月17日

各位亲爱的朋友，各位亲爱的家人，

在这个美丽的初夏之日，我和我的妻子非常高兴大家能和我们欢聚在哈佛校园里, 一起庆祝小津和哲夫的婚礼。这是他们人生旅途中的一件大事。非常感谢你们的光临。特别是那些跨越半个地球从以色列和从中国来到这里的家人，你们的到来使我们倍感荣幸和亲切。

作为父亲, 今天更有特殊的意义, 因为明天是父亲节。不会有比这更好的父亲节礼物了！

我只做过两次头发。一次是为我自己的婚礼。另一次你们一定猜到了, 是今天, 为小津的婚礼。两次都是我妻子做的。你们一定同意她做得相当的不错。你们也一定明白我指的不仅仅是我的头发。你们所见到的今天的小津, 是她多年来精心培养的結果。她同样做得相当的不错。这就是我的妻子，新娘的母亲。

大家知道，小津是我们唯一的孩子。在中国，美国也一样，当女儿出嫁的时候，尤其女儿是他们唯一的孩子，她的父母都会有一种不舍的感觉，仿佛要割舍自身重要的一部分。我们也不例外。但事实是，看着现在的她，憧憬她的未来，我们的快乐和兴奋远远超过了任何其他的感受。

说到快乐，每个孩子都以独特的方式为她的父母带来快乐。小津也一样。

很多年前，在上海一个寒冷的冬夜里，我和我的妻子在家里给小津第一次洗澡。她头睡在我的手掌里，身体和腿部躺在我的手臂上，小肚子像青蛙一样鼓着，她妈妈则小心翼翼地把水泼在她身上。感觉到自己悬在空中，她一边哭泣，一边挥舞着俩只小手，想保持平衡。我轻轻地对她说，"不用担心，无论发生什么事情，我都不会让你摔下去的"。

数年之后，每当小津对我们说"不用担心"，无论是在初中时送她到西北大学参加写作夏令营，还是去北密歇根州的Interlochen学习萨克斯，或者到迪斯尼乐园参加高中乐队的比赛，总是会勾起我对第一次洗澡的回忆。我知道她长大了，然而，我并没有准备好让她自己单独放飞。

但这在14年前的2003年6月24日那天改变了。

那是华府的一个炎热的夏日夜晚。美国总统奖遴选委员会在肯尼迪表演艺术中心举行仪式，为新冠总统奖获得者颁奖。来宾和骄傲的父母们坐在观众席上，小津的总统学者小伙伴们一个一个走上舞台，逐一介绍自己。当轮到小津的时候，聚光灯照在她身上，像一个耀眼的花环，小津以她我从未见过的自信，高声地宣读了她的名字和所在的学校。在那一刻，我对自己说："我不再需要担心了，她长大了。她能够克服成长道路上的任何困难。"

按中国的传统，人一生中有几个重大的里程碑式的时刻。其中一个是通过由皇帝主持的国家考试，而且能够名列皇榜。那就是中国人所说的：金榜题名时。对我来说，肯尼迪中心的那个夜晚无疑就是小津的金榜题名时。

另一个时刻就是结婚的那一天：洞房花烛夜。这就是我们现在所见证的。这一刻属于小津，属于哲夫。与各位朋友和家人共同度过的这一刻，将会长久地留在我们的记忆里。

作为父母，没有什么能够比亲眼目睹并陪伴你的孩子度过这些人生重要的时刻而更快乐了。我相信哲夫的父母一定有同样的感受。

当小津带着哲夫进入我们的家庭后，我们马上注意到他是一个关爱，随和，并愿意尝试新鲜事物的人。去年他和我们一起去了上海。小津的祖母和外婆每餐都准备了正宗的中国菜。他愿意尝试盘子里的一切，我们为他迎接挑战的冒险精神而感到惊讶。我们也有机会和他谈谈他的工作和研究。我们看到了他的聪慧，信心，雄心和对工作的奉献精神。 但对我们来说，最重要的是，他能让小津开心。

借此机会，我和妻子要感谢哲夫的父母，他们付出了巨大的努力把哲夫培养成今天的他。也借此机会，我代表我的妻子，小津的祖母和外婆，小津的姑姑和姑夫，阿姨和姨夫，舅舅和舅妈，以及小津的表弟表妹们，正式欢迎哲夫成为我们家庭的成员。

作为父母，我们非常了解小津，她是我们的一部分。在工程和制造领域，有一个术语叫作OEM  - 原始设备制造商。我们就是小津的OEM。我们有官方的用户手册。可是，我不能将手册交给任何人，甚至不能给你，哲夫。如果你想知道手册中的内容，先做你的功课，准备好你的问题。欢迎随时来找我们，我们将帮助你寻找答案。就像这校园里的图书馆，每周七天每天24小时开放，尽管我们不可能全天候地帮助你，但也会非常接近全天候。如果我们无法在用户手册中找到答案，那怎么办呢？根据我自己的经验，有一个简单而有效的办法：小津总是对的。照着这做，一切都会变得那么简单。

我们刚刚听到小津和哲夫的婚誓。非常动人。婚誓可经历三个阶段：第一，承诺，当着亲友们的面，宣告彼此的承诺; 然后是责任。从现在开始，你们必须从"我"过渡到"我们"，你们应该对彼此负责。你们所做的每件事绝对不会仅仅影响一方，而是双方，因为你们是一个团队。最后，你们对彼此的承诺成为你们生活不可分割的一部分，它嵌入进你们的潜意识中。你们能够做到这一点，你们也一定会做到这一点。

三千多年前，我们中国人的祖先曾教导我们，婚姻是两个人之间的终身契约，俩人手牵着手，相扶相拥着走在时光的隧道里，一起迎接渐行渐近的夕阳。我们的祖先用优美的诗句吟道：生死契阔，与子成说。执子之手，与子偕老。

我请大家想象一下：

两棵独立的树，在蔚蓝天空下，花朵在树上盛开着，树叶在微风中悠悠地歌唱。无论是阳光明媚，还是刮风下雨，地面下，两棵树的根部交织在一起，汲取着养份。在树荫下，有一天, 会出现一个幸福的家庭。小津和哲夫，这就是你们的妈妈和我对你们的祝愿。

带着这个美好的祝愿，请大家举起酒杯，与我的妻子和我一起祝贺小津和哲夫，为他们的幸福，为他们共同的美好生活，

干杯!

<原文>

The Speech at Daughter's Wedding Reception

Harvard Faculty Club • June 17, 2017

Dear friends and family,

On this beautiful summer day at this renowned campus, my wife and I are so glad that you can join us to celebrate Jennifer and Ziev's marriage, one of the biggest events in their lives. Thank you all very much for coming. We are especially honored by those family members who have travelled halfway around the world from Israel and from China to be here today.

As a father, today is even more meaningful, because tomorrow is Father's Day. I cannot ask for a better Father's Day gift!

In my life time, I twice got my hair done. Once on my wedding day and the second, you guessed it, was today, Jennifer's wedding day. In both occasions my wife did for me. I think she did a fantastic job. But, of course, you do realize that I don't mean just my hair. Over the years my wife has done a superb job to bring up Jennifer to what she is today. Here is my wife, the Mother of the Bride!

As you all know, Jennifer is our only child. In China, and in the US too, whenever a daughter gets married, her parents will have mixed feelings of letting go of such an important part of them, let alone if the daughter is their only child. Even though my wife and I feel this way, the truth is our joy and excitement are far more overwhelming than anything else.

Speaking of joy, each child brings joy to his or her parents in a unique way. Jennifer is no different.

Many years ago, in a cold winter night in Shanghai, my wife and I were giving Jennifer her first bath at home. She was laying in my arms while my wife was carefully putting water over her. Head in my palms, body and legs resting on my arms, she sensed that she was suspended in midair, and started crying and waving her little hands to keep balance. I said to her, "Dont worry, I will not let you fall no matter what happens".

Years later, every time Jennifer said to us "Dont worry", when sending her away to Northwestern University for a summer camp in the middle school, or to Interlochen in Northern Michigan to play her saxophone, or to Disneyland for her high school band competition, it always brought back the memory of that first bath. I knew she was growing up. However, mentally I was not ready to let her fly far and all by herself.

That changed on the day of June 24, 2003, almost exactly 14 years ago.

It was a hot summer evening in Washington DC. A ceremony was held at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts honoring Jennifer as a United States Presidential Scholar. With all of the guests and proud parents sitting in the audience, her fellow scholars went on stage one by one to introduce themselves. When it was Jennifers turn, with the spotlight on her, she announced her name and her school with such a confidence that I had never seen before. At that moment, I said to myself, "I don't need to worry anymore, now she can always overcome whatever is in her way".

According to an old Chinese saying, there were a few monumental moments in one's life. One such moment was the day when one passed a national exam administered by the emperor and was able to put his or her name on the emperor's golden list. As we say in Chinese: 金榜题名时. To me, that evening at the Kennedy Center was clearly that moment for Jennifer.

Another moment is the day when one gets married, as we say in Chinese, 洞房花烛夜, the night when the red candles light the wedding room. This is the moment we are all witnessing right now. This moment belongs to Jennifer and Ziev. With all of you, friends and family, we will cherish this moment in our memory for many years to come.

As parents, there is nothing more joyful than watching and accompanying your child as she lives through these big moments. I am sure Ziev's parents feel the same way.

As Jennifer brought Ziev into our family, we noticed right away that he is caring, easygoing, and always willing to try new things. Last year he went to Shanghai with us. As Jennifer's grandmothers prepared authentic Chinese dishes for each meal, he was up for the challenge and surprised us all with his adventurous spirit and willingness to try everything on his plate. We also got chances to talk to him about his work and his research and we can obviously see his intelligence, confidence, ambition and dedication to what he does. But to us, most importantly, he makes Jennifer happy.

My wife and I would like to thank Ziev's parents for their tremendous effort in raising Ziev to what he is today. On behalf of my wife, Jennifer's both Grandmas, Jennifer's aunts and uncles, and her cousins, Ziev, I officially welcome you to the family.

As parents, we know Jennifer very well and she is a part of us. My wife and I are both engineers, and in our field, there is a term called OEM - Original Equipment Manufacturer. We are the OEM regarding Jennifer. We have the official user manual. Unfortunately, I am not allowed to give the manual away to anybody, not even to you Ziev. If you ever want to know the contents in the manual, Ziev, get your questions ready. You are always welcome to come to us and we will help you look for the answers. Just like the libraries here on this campus are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, we are available too, not quite 24/7  but pretty close. So what if there is no written answer? Based on my own experience, I have a very simple solution: Jennifer is always right. Follow that, everything will become so much easier.

We just heard the vows from Jennifer and Ziev. That was very moving. I think your vows will go through three phases: first, you declare your commitments to one another in front of your closest friends and family, next is the responsibility of sharing a life together. Starting now, your thinking must transition from "I" to "we", and you become responsible for and to each other. Because you are a team, any action you take will affect not one but both. And finally, your vows to each other become the norm of your life, as it is embedded in your subconscious.

More than 3000 years ago, our Chinese ancestors taught us that marriage is a lifelong contract between two people, who holding each others hands, walking through time and getting old together. As our ancestors said so beautifully in Chinese: 执子之手，与子偕老.

I would like you all to picture this in your minds:

Two independent trees, under the blue sky, flowers are in blossom and leaves are singing in the breeze. Underneath, the roots are intertwined, absorbing nutrients whether it is shining, raining or snowing. In the shade of the trees, one day, there will be a happy family. Jennifer and Ziev, this is the wish your mom and I have for you.

With that, please raise your glasses, join my wife and me in congratulating Jennifer and Ziev, for their happiness and for their lives together,

Cheers 干杯！