Here’s how Seneca described those kinds of relationships:
“These are what people call friendships of convenience; a man adopted from self-interest will please only as long as he is useful. This is why a crowd of friends surrounds men in time of success but there is a desert around their ruin, and friends flee when they are put to the test.”
The first time I realized some friends are not actually your friend was when I went to grad school. At some point, I got tired of the weekly partying and got serious about my education and personal development. I preferred to study or have conversations about life with my friends. But some of my friends back then were not interested in that. So gradually, we grew apart when our common interest — partying — disappeared.
Seek out people who have the same values as you. Friendship is not about quantity. Three friends are enough to spend your time with. As Seneca said, most people will not be your friend when they are put to the test.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with a co-worker or fellow student. Looking back, I still have a lot of good memories. It’s just that most friends come and go, which is not a reason to get sad.
I prefer to go deep with the people, and really care about the few friends I have. That’s the true value of friendship. Not someone you can call to ask for help with moving, or someone to go partying with. No, a friend is someone who thinks and cares about you, even when you don’t see or need each other. And whenever you do need each other, you’re always there. All the best.
Do you remember your first friendship? Is he or she still with you?
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