如何找到对的另一半？

萨古鲁：如何找到对的另一半？

Question: Sir, how do you know that the person you are with is the right person for you?

问：怎么才能知道和你在一起的那个人是对的人呢？

Sadhguru: Oh! Popular, huh? It once happened, Shankaran Pillai was at the family dinner,  and when everybody settled down for dinner, he stood up at the table and announced, "I'm going to marry Lucy who is just across the street." I hope that's not the name.

Sadhguru（萨古鲁）：噢，这个问题很受欢迎啊，嗯？有一天，山卡拉·皮莱参加一次家庭聚餐，当所有人都准备好吃饭时，他从桌边站起来宣布：“我要和正对街的露西结婚了。”（对提问者说）我希望你的那位不是叫这个名字。

Then, the father said, "What? You're going to marry Lucy? She has nothing. She's like a tramp! You're going to marry that Lucy?"

然后他父亲说：“什么？你要和露西结婚？她可是一无所有就像个乞丐！你真要和那个露西结婚？”

Mother said, "What? You're going to marry that Lucy?"

他母亲说：“什么？你要和那个露西结婚？”

The Uncle...Uncle is always preaching in this kind of matter. Uncle said, "What? You're going to marry that Lucy? Have you seen her hair? It looks fake!"

他叔叔……叔叔总爱在这方面发表言论，他叔叔说：“什么？你要和那个露西结婚？没看她的头发么？就跟假的一样！”

He aunt, "What? You're going to marry Lucy? She is...She is always painted. You're going to marry that painted woman?"

他婶婶说：“什么？你要和露西结婚？她成天浓妆艳抹的，你要娶个化成这样的女人？”

The little boy, the nephew, can't be left out. He said, "You want to marry Lucy? She is under...doesn't even know what is cricket! How can you marry her?"

他侄子，一个小男孩，也不想被落下，他说：“你想娶露西？她连板球是什么都不知道！你怎么能和她结婚呢？”

Shankaran Pillai stood his ground and said, "Yes, I'm going to marry Lucy."

山卡拉皮莱没有动摇，坚定地说：“是的，我要娶露西。”

Everybody asked in one voice, "Why?"

所有人异口同声地问：“为什么？”

He said, "Because she has no family. There're no many opinions to battle with."

他说：“因为她没有家人。没那么多七嘴八舌的。”

So, who is the right person? I don't want to take away all the romance from your life. But let me tell you this, there is no right person on this planet. If you put your heart into something, something may become wonderful. Is it the right thing? There's no right thing. Nobody ever found the right person anywhere, okay? 

所以，谁才是对的人呢？我并不想剥夺你们生活中的所有浪漫幻想，但是我想告诉你的是：这个星球上并没有对的人存在。如果你全心投入到一件事中去，这件事可能会变得美妙。但它是对的事吗？并没有对的事存在，没有人在哪里找到了对的人，好吗？

If you get into that kind of unrealistic mindset, "I have found the right person!" Oh, you will be soon disappointed. You must understand there is no right person. First thing is to see whether "I am the right person." Yes, "Am I the right person?" And there are no right people on this planet. If you understand, you have your nonsense, they have their nonsense, we can adjust nonsense to nonsense and go on.

如果你陷入这种不切实际的心态，觉得自己找到了对的人，噢，你肯定很快就会陷入失望。你必须了解，并没有对的人存在。首先要看的是，你自己是不是“对”的人。是的，“我自己是‘对’的人吗？”在这个星球上并没有对的人存在。如果你明白，你有你的愚蠢，而其他人也有他们的愚蠢，那么我们可以让一种愚蠢和另一种愚蠢彼此适应，然后继续。

We must understand relationships are formed for various needs. There are physical needs, there are psychological needs, there are emotional needs, there may be social needs, there may be financial needs, various kinds of needs. So, when you're going to somebody with so many needs you're going as a beggar, and a beggar cannot choose. Hello? Beggar eats what's come his way, isn't it? He cannot choose. 

我们必须了解，人际关系的形成是基于多种需求，有生理需求，有心理需求，有情感需求，也许有社会需求，也许还有经济需求，各种不同的需求。所以，当你带着这么多需求走向一个人时，你就好比是个乞丐，而乞丐是无法选择的。哈喽？乞丐来什么吃什么，对不对？他不能选择。

So if you really want to make a choice in this world, first and foremost thing is you bring yourself to a place - where your experience of life is just pleasant by yourself, you're wonderful. Now, let us see what gets drawn to this one, if you're really wonderful, things will happen in every way I am saying. In terms of career, in terms of marriage, in terms of relationships, the best will happen to you because you made yourself like this. Instead of trying to work on somebody and fix them, if you work upon yourself and make you so wonderful that everybody wants to be with you, then there is a choice. 

所以如果你真的想要拥有选择的自由，最首要的事是让你自己能达到一种境界，即，你的人生体验本身就是快乐的，你自身就是美妙的。现在再来看看，有什么会被你吸引。如果你本身就很美妙，事情就会发生——在每一方面，不管是事业方面、婚姻方面还是人际关系方面，最好的事情都会发生。因为你把自己变成这样。与其试图改变他人，修正他人，如果你在自身上下功夫，让自己变得如此之美好，以至于所有人都想和你在一起，那么你就有了选择的自由。

And this whole thing is an American thing, that there is a soulmate somewhere. God made just one more person just for you. But these days, every two years he keeps making one more person just for you. Obviously, God is making too many mistakes with you. See, body needs a mate, understandable. Maybe psychologically also you need a mate, understandable. Emotionally you need a mate. Soul cannot need a mate. So, soul doesn't need a mate, nor was some person made perfectly for you, okay? 

这种问题其实是从美国来的，（他们认为）在某个地方有灵魂伴侣存在，上帝专门为你造了另一个人。但是现如今，每隔两年他就又造一个人给你。很显然，上帝在你身上犯了很多错。你看，身体需要伴侣，可以理解。也许心理上你也需要伴侣，可以理解。情感上你需要伴侣。但灵魂不可能需要伴侣。所以，灵魂不需要伴侣，也没有某个为你而造的完美的人，好吗？

This creation makes all kinds of unique idiots. If you understand you're one kind of idiot and the others are different kind, you will be...you will understand their nonsense because you know you got your stuff. If you think you're perfect and God has chosen you and he's made another person perfect somewhere else, you're heading for a disaster, okay? There's no such thing. Even you know, people today after five thousand years... people are still ordinating and worshipping Krishna as the greatest lover, but his wife's dead unhappy with the guy. Yes. So you're not going to find any perfect person.

造物造了各式各样的、独一无二的傻瓜。如果你明白自己是某种傻瓜，而其他人是另一些类型的傻瓜，你会……你会了解其他人的愚蠢，因为你知道你也有你的愚蠢。如果你认为你是完美的而上帝选择了你，并且他在另一个地方为你造了完美的对象，你是在走向灾难，好吗？这种事压根不存在。甚至你知道，在过了五千年后的今天，人们还是敬拜Krishna（克里希那）为最伟大的爱人，但是他妻子对这家伙很不满。是的。所以你不会找到任何完美的人。

If you invest a deep sense of involvement, something wonderful may happen, because of your involvement, not because the other person is fantastic. No. Even if you choose a fool, actually it is easy that way, if they are not stupid, why would they come to you first of all? No no no, I'm just being nasty. So, even if you choose a fool, it doesn't matter. If you involve yourself, it can turn out very beautiful. You chose this smartest person in the universe, it could be a disaster. 

如果你深深地投入到一段关系中，很美好的事可能会发生。这是因为你的投入，而不是因为对方很美好。就算你选择了一个傻瓜——事实上那样更容易，如果对方不是傻瓜，怎么当初会找上你呢？不不不，我只是逗你们玩。所以，就算你选择了一个傻瓜，并没有关系，只要你投入进去，结果也可以很美。如果你选了全宇宙最聪明的人，反倒可能是灾难。

So, do not think in terms of, huh you know, whatever this "made for each other" nonsense, no, you choose the opposite actually. But after some time, after a little bit of time, you slowly start expecting they're just like you. This is a serious mistake. Because if one more person becomes just like you, you won't be able to bear with them for two days. Hello? Please tell me. There's one more person just like you at home, could you live there? You are glad that they're different. It's wonderful, nobody is like you, isn't it? Nobody is like you on this planet. Try and see. Nobody is like you, and that's good. Don't look for sameness, it's the difference which makes the...because of the difference you tangle, not otherwise.

所以不要抱有 “我们是为彼此而生”这样荒谬的想法。事实上你选择的是相"异"的人，但是过了一段时间，过了一小段时间，你慢慢开始期待对方和你是同样的人，这是个严重的错误。因为如果有另一个人变得和你一模一样，你甚至都无法忍受和他/她呆上两天。哈喽？请告诉我，如果你家里有另一个人和你一模一样，你还能住在那吗？还好其他人都和你不一样。没有人一样，这样很棒，对不对？在这个星球上没有人和你一样，你尽管可以去找找看，没有人和你一样，这样很好。不要去寻找相同，是差异让你们缠在一起，而不是反过来。

Love&Grace,

Sadhguru

爱与恩典

萨古鲁